Chapter 14: Pink V

“When your doctor (in my case, Dr. Sherry Ross) calls to tell you about the results of your recent mammogram and the first thing she says is “Where are you right now?” you pretty much know it’s not going to be good news. I got that call when I was on my way to buy a new refrigerator. So there, in the parking lot of Home Depot, while I sat in my car staring blankly at the outdoor display of Bar-BQue grills, I got the not so good news. And then, in the first of what would be many “screw you, cancer” moves, I went inside and bought myself a damned refrigerator. Not even cancer would force me to make two trips to Home Depot. The preliminary reports came in on a Friday morning, and I was not going to get any specific information about my cancer until Monday afternoon. You learn a lot about yourself when you have three days to live in the dark unknown of a “C” word diagnosis.

I learned that I don’t like to feel sorry for myself. I learned I wouldn’t be able to bear thirty people calling me daily to ask how I am. I learned why doctors don’t recommend looking up your ailments on the Internet. I learned that a twenty-year-old episode of Oprah, featuring Erin Kramp—a woman dying of breast cancer who left a legacy of videos to her husband and daughter for all the major events she would miss— was indelibly etched into my brain. I thought of the videos I would leave for my son, Milo. I also learned that in spite of my fear I will never miss a party—and I had two fabulous parties to go to that weekend.”

—Camryn Manheim Actress