“As an aloof, lonely young woman, I had a desperate need to be loved, to prove myself sexually, therefore worthy. Many familial factors contributed to this, of course, but the underpinning of my alliances was initially fueled more by desperation than attraction. I used sex as a tool to manipulate and control meaningless male encounters so I’d feel validated. The fact that I wasn’t particularly attracted during these hook-ups didn’t weigh on me; that was never the goal. I married at nineteen, which was like being adrift in an unwelcome sea and coming upon a prickly log, which I hoped could keep me afloat. I didn’t wait for a different kind of log; I just grabbed on and kept my chin up. Over the years, several such logs bobbed my way. Lucky me.
Cut to thirty years, three husbands, and five children later, I meet a woman who turns my head around. She is twenty-five years my junior…young enough for me to realize it could never go much
beyond the OH-MY-GOD-I’M-A-LESBIAN moment…and the relationship dies a sad little death. But I do NOT. The penny has dropped;the ship has sailed; the coop is flown; a 55-year-old baby dyke is born!”
—Meredith Baxter Actress & Producer
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